Dude, I'm getting a Dell

In 2007 I wanted an iMac. What I got instead was a grudge and a chat transcript I was so pleased with that I posted the whole thing to my forum.

The setup: Apple advertised a student discount as “From $1149.00, Students save $100.” Except on the exact model I wanted, the $1149 iMac, the regular price was $1199. That is fifty dollars off, not a hundred. The full $100 only kicked in on the pricier model, and nothing said so. I was nineteen, I had strong feelings about arithmetic, and I took it up with an Apple rep in a live chat.

Here is where teenage me made a choice I still respect. Instead of arguing as myself, I became a character: a tired parent shopping for a kid heading off to college.

You: I’m trying to find a good computer for my son going off to college… I was thrilled to find out that I would at least be getting $100 off the advertised model… $100 may seem like nothing, but when you are crunching 5 kids into college almost all within 5 years, it’s difficult.

Five kids. I gave myself five kids. I was a teenager with a bakery job, sitting in that chat window playing a father of five doing college math.

The rep held the company line: the discount varies by product. I was unmoved:

You: Well you’ll have to send them back to college to learn to do math. At least they will get an iPod for free.

And then the closer, which I clearly thought was devastating and, honestly, sort of was:

You: There was a commercial what, like 10 years ago? What did they say? Oh yes. “Dude, I’m getting a Dell.”

I signed off “Good day,” posted the transcript, and added a small sad ”:(” at the bottom. I never did buy the iMac.

Reading it back, the funny part isn’t that I was right about the fifty dollars, although I was. It’s that I cared enough to build a whole persona over it. I think that’s the same wiring that made me decent at the actual job later. I will read the fine print, and I will tell you when it doesn’t add up.